I am going to have a new love of my life! His name is Parker. He has not yet come into my life, but he is on his way! I was able to go down to California for my sister's baby shower. He isn't due until May though. I was able to go to my brother's house once I landed so that I could spend time with Jason, Michele and KENNEDY!
Later that night, I was able to go to BJ's with my family for my brother in law's birthday. I love BJ's like no other and one day I hope that they will come up to Utah! Saturday I was able to spend time with my cousin and her family. We were also able to do one of the things that we use to do so much when we were younger and loved so much. My friends had a BBQ/Wii party. Here are some pics from my Saturday events.
Sunday was the baby shower! Nothing is better than spending time with my family! Although I did get a little burnt, but it was well worth it. Here are some pics.
Its amazing how certain events in your life can alter the way in which you view the world and those around you. I have had several people and experiences in my life that have changed the way I think. In the last 3.5 years, I have had nonstop interactions with many different people due to the nature of my job. So when I combine both my personal experiences and work experiences, it is not a good combination.
The hardest thing is to remember that the clients that I interact with at work are not a good representation of the general public. There are good people out there who still care deeply for others and are willing to do anything for those who they come in contact with. One of the hardest things to do is to have faith in people and believe that they are good, honest people. There have been people in my life that I put trust in and there has been something that they did that caused me to lose that trust. Both myself and someone close to me has been burned by beginning to love or loving someone who said they had the same feelings towards you. Then finding out that they were not trustworthy nor that they felt the same respect towards you and your relationship, is one of the hardest things to try to overcome. The hardest thing to learn to do is to not punish the next person in your life because of what someone else did. Determining whether or not the reason why I am meeting the people that I meet is based on my own wrong decisions in trusting certain people or that the world is becoming worse and worse is a tough call. I hope that its not just the world, but that I am meeting the wrong people.
On top of my personal life, there are so many clients at work that lie and deceive to do anything that they can in order to get what they want or what they feel they are obligated to receive. It gets to the point where I seem to question a lot of what people tell me. I am constantly looking to find something that they are lying about or are trying to hide from us. Having faith in people has become harder and harder and I have learned to appreciate those who I feel are honestly telling the truth.
I have learned that the faith that I have in people does not come as easily as it use to. There is a movie called Ice Castles, where a Figure Skater goes blind and learns to skate again after going blind. She had to put her trust in those who were around her and cared deeply for her to care for her and make sure that she is not subjected to any harm. There are many people in my life that who I already know that I can trust, its trusting those that I do not know that is hard. Its a blessing to know that those who love you and care for you would be willing to do all that they can to keep you safe. But its become a curse not knowing whether or not those with whom you do not know very well are trust worthy and hesitating when it comes to trying to give them the trust that they may deserve.
There is a conversation with Andie and Nigel in "The Devil Wears Prada" that seems a little to relevant to me right now. Andie mentions to Nigel that her "personal life is hanging by a thread". Nigel then states "That's what happens when you start doing well at work darling, let me know when your whole life goes up in smoke, it means its time for a promotion". Given my personal life, I think that I am in need of a promotion. Its interesting to see how often times we tend to succeed in one area of our life, while other areas of our life tends to slowly dissipate until you get to the point where you are not sure how to revive it again. I was taught to be a strong person, who is a hard-worker and is able to do things on their own. I have been able to accomplish that, but then I have also begun to allow work to control my life.
Many of you may or may not know this, but I work Full time for the State of Utah and then part time for KinderCare. I was thinking of how I have begun to allow work to control my life today as I was working at KinderCare(which happened to be a day off from my full time job). I came to the realization that I am devoting myself to a company that rarely goes above and beyond for their employees. I understand that I only work at KinderCare a couple hours a week, but regardless of the amount of hours that I put into working for them, I feel like I am giving to them as much as their full time employees when looking at the whole picture. With KinderCare, I work what I am able to, given the time and energy that I have available to give after the 40-50 hours a week that I put in with the state. There are goals that I want to accomplish both financially and then my own drive to succeed in all that I do that causes me to work as much as possible.
My Aunt Becky once mentioned to me the concept of 'Working to Live' vs 'Living to Work'. I have always wanted to be the type of person who is 'Working to Live' but sadly, I have become the latter. I devote myself to my work, which I have allowed myself to become encompassed in for the majority of my time. Its one of those things that if I were to stop working, I would have no clue what I would do with my time. I often think of taking a vacation, but then the thought of taking a week off and then having to go back to work, then working twice as hard to catch up, or causing my co-workers to complete my work while I am gone causes me to think twice about going on one.
In the movie mentioned, Andie sees her life fall apart, betrays those close to her and becomes someone she has never wanted to be. She did this all for the the thrill of chasing something that she never knew she wanted until it fell into her lap and then once it did, she regretted it because of who it made her become. She falls, yet she is able to catch herself and finds herself making the changes needed to become who she use to be. I have yet been able to do that. Being able to learn how to 'Work to Live' instead of 'Live to Work' is an important view in life that many people are trying to overcome each day of their life but often fail to. Myself included.